Gotham Season 3 (Revised Script)
by The-Riddler95
Summary: (Sequel to Gotham Season 2: Revised Script) Jack Kerr was another normal Gotham fan who was a little unhappy with some of the things happening behind the scenes, and so he decided to do something about it. Each chapter is an episode of Gotham rewritten with a twist!


**Hi, this story is a bunch of episode parodies. You'll see what I mean when you read it. If you haven't read the first story (Gotham Season Two Revised Script) then this story features a 14-year-old boy named Jack Kerr who invades the Gotham studio and makes revisions to the script to add his special touch. The cast of Gotham has grown to like him. Bruno Heller? Not so much. I do use real names in this story, but I am in no way saying that Bruno Heller or David Mazouz or anyone else I use actually acts like the way I portray them. I've never met any of them, so I invented personalities for them based on what would be convenient for the story and what I find funny. It is not my intention to offend anyone.**

 **Also, Cameron Boyce as Jack and Sabrina Carpenter as Harley.**

The cast of Gotham, including Ben McKenzie as Detective Jim Gordon, David Mazouz as Bruce Wayne, Robin Lord Taylor as Oswald 'Penguin' Cobblepot, and all of the others were sitting along the reading table in FOX studios waiting for Bruno Heller to arrive with the script for the season three premiere, 'Better to Reign in Hell..."

"Hey, Cory," Camren Bicondova said. "When do you think that Bruno is going to get here?"

Cory Michael Smith shrugged, "I don't know. He said he'd be here twenty minutes ago."

Suddenly, the cast heard a rumbling from behind the closed door to the reading room. There was a yelling, and the door was thrown open as a 14-year-old boy was thrown onto the table.

Jack, the boy, was wearing a black blazer and sweatpants. He had green streaks in his spiky brown hair and he was holding a green pool noodle. He quickly got up and jumped off the table to meet the opponent he was fighting, Bruno Heller.

The showrunner with grey hair and a brown suit charged after his arch-nemesis with blue pool noodle in hand. Jack and Bruno swiped at each other with their weapons, both too fast for the other. Bruno used his pool noodle to strike with unbridled rage and speed, while Jack effortlessly dodged the showrunner's attempts to kill him.

"Umm..." said Jamie Chung – the new cast member playing Valerie Vale. "Why is your showrunner fighting a little boy?"

Ben McKenzie nodded. "Yeah, see that's Jack. A while ago, he started coming into this room and making revisions to the scripts. Sadly, Bruno doesn't like that, so now they're arch-nemeses."

"This was my show!" Bruno yelled, striking Jack across the shoulder with a noodle and then kicking the boy onto the floor. "You shouldn't have hijacked my cast!"

"Well then you shouldn't have given Harvey Dent status as a regular and have him show up for fifteen minutes in all of season two!" Jack laughed, sliding under the table to avoid another hit from Bruno and then throwing his noodle into Bruno's face.

Soon, a 14-year-old girl wearing an expensive red and black skirt with her blonde hair put into pigtails came in with a water gun and started shooting Bruno Heller from behind. While he was distracted, Jack climbed up onto the reading table and jumped down on the showrunner, hitting him across the face with a pool noodle. Bruno was knocked backwards into a chair and growled, "Okay, that's enough!"

"Thanks, Harley." Jack grinned, throwing his head back and laughing hysterically.

Harley skipped in and wrapped her arms around Jack. "Happy to help, Puddin'!"

Jack got a bunch of scripts out of his bag and put them on the table to hand out between the cast. "Hey, guys. I finished my revisions for this episode last night and I think you're really going to like them."

"My script was better." Bruno grumbled.

Jack glared at him. "Really? Then explain to me how Bruce looked for Selina before he left for Switzerland but was unable to find her even though she can reliably be found on that rooftop every day at bird-feeding time? Or how Butch stays with Penguin even though he started his own gang the first time he was free from Penguin? Or how no one arrested the Penguin when he walked into the GCPD? I know he was freed from Arkham legally, but do you expect me to believe that he went six months without committing a punishable crime? How come Penguin doesn't just bust Ed out of Arkham? He has a million bucks to throw around! Tabitha broke into Arkham and I could by all the supplies she used for twenty bucks at Walmart!"

"Okay, you've made your point." Bruno growled.

Jack grinned. "Now let's get on with the script!"

* * *

 ** _Previously on Gotham..._**

 _(Jim Gordon got fired, but he was rehired_

 _And Jerome got stabbed in the neck_

 _The Pike brothers screwed up, and Firefly burnt up_

 _And Penguin's mother is now dead)_

 _(Penguin played dress-up, to royally mess-up_

 _Galavan's mayoral speech_

 _Zsasz had a gun, and it was not fun_

 _Now Jim has a Strike Force to teach)_

 _(Nygma killed Kringle, Bruce tried to mingle_

 _In the streets with his friend Cat_

 _Nora Fries died, Mr. Freeze cried,_

 _Bruce found out who killed his dad)_

 _(Then the tide changed, when Hugo Strange_

 _Brought Galavan back to life_

 _Jim was arrested, Bullock protested,_

 _Oz killed Grace Dahl with a knife)_

 _(Ed is in Arkham and Cat is in Arkham_

 _And Jim was trying to break in_

 _Strange used a bomb, the wiring was wrong_

 _And now the story can begin)_

Lee Thompkins and her new boyfriend Mario Falcone were in the kitchen of their new house. Lee had just brought a pie out of the oven, and Mario grinned, "Wow, that looks good."

"Thanks," Lee smiled. "It's my mom's recipe. The secret ingredient is salted butter."

Mario took a fork out of the cupboard, took a big bite of the pie and gasped, "Wow, that's amazing!"

Lee laughed. "Thanks, Mario. I'm so glad you like it."

"I don't think you could ever do something that I wouldn't like. Lee, we've known each other for a long time, and I really... umm, Lee?"

"Yeah, Mario?"

"Your ex-boyfriend – the policeman – did he have brown hair and resting bitch face?"

Lee thought for a while. "Yeah. Why?"

"He's staring at us through our window."

Lee turned her head just enough to see Jim Gordon wearing a suit and holding flowers staring at her through her window. She sighed and brought her palm to her forehead. "I think that if we just laugh and act happy with each other, he'll just go away."

 **SIX MONTHS LATER...**

Isaac – a man who worked at the street's local pharmacy – took his coat off of the rack at the door and went to the front to meet his friend Joseph. Joseph smiled and said, "Hey, Isaac. Ready to get wild?"

Isaac grinned ear to ear, "I'm so excited, man. I've been waiting to go to this club all week!"

"Well, it's finally time to go, so fasten your seatbelts!" Joseph cheered, before hearing a rustling coming from the back of the pharmacy. "Hey, man. I think I hear something in the back of the pharmacy. Should you go check it out?"

Isaac laughed and put his arm around his friend's shoulder. "Nah, dude. Haven't you seen the news? There are freaking monsters and freaks running around the city. I don't want to be thrown through a window! Besides, the pharmacy's closed. I don't even know why I stayed this late if it's closed. Let's get wasted, bro."

"Yeah!"

The two friends walked down the streets towards the new club while Jim Gordon walked into the pharmacy, a metal baton in hand. There was no reason he shouldn't have had access to multiple guns and other weapons much more effective than a metal stick, but he was feeling lucky. Soon, he was face to face with one of the monsters Hugo Strange created in Indian Hill, an eight-foot-tall mutant with scaly skin.

"Any chance you want to come quietly?" Jim asked.

The monster snarled and grabbed Jim Gordon by the neck, throwing him through a window onto the street. The monster growled and lumbered towards Jim, wandering onto the street where a set of headlights shone on him.

Suddenly, a huge oil truck screeched and halted to a stop just before it hit the monster. The truck driver yelled in fear and rolled down the window.

"Wow, that was close! I almost hit that guy!" the truck driver sighed. Jim was having none of that, so he pulled the truck driver out of the car and ran over the crocodile man.

 **SHOT OF SKYLINE**

Captain Barnes stood at the front of the GCPD precinct facing the news reporters and took a deep breath. "At 8:15 this evening, an individual robbed a pharmacy and attacked its owner. While we don't have an ID, we believe that this individual is an escapee from Indian Hill."

"Captain Barnes?" asked Valerie Vale, a reporter from the Gotham Gazette. "This isn't the first time a bounty hunter has apprehended an escapee. Is the GCPD incapable of handling this threat themselves?"

"Whoa, whoa." Barnes sighed. "First off – I never mentioned a bounty hunter, so I'm not sure how you knew that... second – only a handful of these escapees have been brought in by bounty hunters. The vast majority were apprehended by GCPD. **"**

"When did two to six become a vast majority?" Valerie asked.

"Excuse me." Mayor James said. "I take issue with the word 'threat'. These escapees are themselves victims of Hugo Strange. Now if any ordinary, hard-working citizen wants to help get these poor souls off the streets so they may receive proper treatment, well these citizens should be lauded and rewarded financially."

"Before they were taken to Indian Hill, these 'poor souls' were all criminally insane inmates, were they not?"

"Asking questions? Looking for justice? Yep, you and Jim Gordon are going to be banging each other before the mid-season finale."

"LIAR!" yelled Oswald Cobblepot, standing at the door like a boss. "Wait, dangit, that didn't make sense. Okay, just keep going so I can make my dramatic entrance at the right time. Just say something that I can respond 'liar' to."

Mayor James thought for a while. "Umm... Bruno Heller cares about the fan base?"

"LIAR!" Penguin yelled. He limped through the crowd, followed by his henchman Butch Gilzean, who for whatever reason decided to stay with Penguin after having his previous boss killed by Penguin, being brainwashed to work for Penguin, and being tortured, humiliated, and having his hand cut off as a direct result of Penguin.

"Guys, it's the Penguin!" one reporter gasped. "Quick, someone arrest him for the numerous crimes that he's committed!"

"Nice try," Penguin grinned, "But for the past six months, I've had Butch commit all my crimes for me so I can't be held accountable. And since you can't scientifically prove that he is not still brainwashed, he can't be held accountable either! Now, I was there that night that all the monsters broke loose and I have told the GCPD who to look for time and again, and they have done NOTHING!"

Everyone slowly turned to Captain Barnes, and Valerie sighed, "Why didn't you do anything?"

 **SIX MONTHS AGO...**

"Captain Barnes!" Penguin yelled, bursting into Barnes' office in the GCPD. "I have to tell you something important! I know who's leading the monsters from Indian Hill! It's Fish Moo – what are you doing?"

"Nothing." Barnes said, dropping the towel he was holding onto the floor.

"What were you doing?" Penguin asked again.

"NOTHING!"

Penguin glared at Barnes until he sighed and gave up.

"I was waxing my head." Barnes sighed shamefully.

He waited for a reaction for a long time as the two were completely silent. After a few minutes, laughter started bubbling up from Penguin's throat and he couldn't hide the snickering any longer.

Barnes yelled, "GET OUT OF MY OFFICE!"

 **IN THE PRESENT DAY...**

"He's an escaped convict, I don't have to believe him!" Barnes yelled.

Penguin limped his way to the front of the GCPD and turned to face to reporters with a grim look on his face. "The enemy's name is Fish Mooney. She is a criminal and a murderer, and God knows what Hugo Strange has turned her into. If you love your family, find Fish Mooney. Until then, no one is safe!"

"I have a question." Valerie said.

Penguin sighed and said, "Fine, what's your question?"

" _You're_ a criminal and a murderer, and we don't know what Hugo Strange turned _you_ into, so why don't we arrest you?"

"Yeah, you're going to be dead by the end of the season." Penguin grinned, limping off out the door with Butch.

 **(SHOT OF SKYLINE)**

"Ozzy," Barbara Kean grinned, holding out her arms. Penguin and Butch had just walked into Barbara's new nightclub, and Barbara welcomed her old friends. "Butch. What a nice surprise. By the way, I must warn you. Selina Kyle drops by this place often to lift wallets, so watch your pockets."

"I'm so sorry I didn't drop by sooner." Penguin grinned, looking around the brightly lit nightclub. "The place looks marvelous. Don't you think so, Butch?"

Butch was looking around the club nervously, but snapped out of it to stammer, "Y-Yeah, the place looks great."

Barbara grinned, "I imagine you're here about your offer – to let us shelter under your umbrella. I appreciate the thought, but we're big girls. We can handle ourselves. And by we, I mean the ninja assassin who was trained by warrior monks since childhood."

Barbara looked over Butch's shoulder, and Tabitha Galavan started to walk over, putting her arm on Barbara's shoulder. "Hey, Butch." She smiled.

Butch's eyes widened, and he started to stammer and twitch.

Barbara sighed, "You brainwashed him _again,_ Penguin?"

Penguin sighed, "Not me. He's been brainwashed by the most sadistic torture meister in the world – true love."

"I think that's the most romantic thing you've ever said." Barbara grinned.

Penguin shrugged. "I have a romantic side."

Butch cleared his throat and said, "Listen, you should take him up on his offer. Gotham's full of rough characters."

Penguin sighed. Butch was obviously not helping with the negotiation. "Why don't you go sit over there?" He then turned to Barbara and said, "Spread the word. I want Fish Mooney. Dead, alive, chopped into pieces – I want her. And I will give a million dollars to whoever can bring her to me."

"I love that we live in a city where you can just publicly announce something like that and no one tells the cops." Tabitha smiled, and went back to serving drinks to customers.

Meanwhile, Butch was sitting at the bar having a drink when Selina Kyle slinked by and sat herself down next to the one-handed gangster. Selina sighed at him with a concerned look and said, "You okay, Butch? World getting you down?"

"I'm fine." Butch said. "And you're too young to be in here. Scram."

"Geez, just trying to be friendly." Selina sighed. She leapt off of her chair and walked away just as Penguin stopped by the bar.

"Just seeing her kills me, you know?" Butch sighed, staring longingly at Tabitha.

Penguin took a deep, meaningful breath, and put a hand on the stump where Butch's hand was cut off. Penguin looked into his goon's eye and said, "Get over it. And... that child just stole your wallet."

Butch looked at Penguin confusedly. "I don't have a wallet. I was holding yours."

"SELINA!" Penguin yelled.

Meanwhile, outside of the nightclub in the alley, Ivy Pepper met up with Selina as they walked down the street.

"Hey," the red-headed street kid said. "Barbara and that whip lady are going to get angry at you for stealing from their customers."

Selina shrugged. "Let them. I've got bigger things going on."

"Like what?" Ivy asked, curiously.

"Top-secret." Selina smirked. She saw a long-haired kid turned away from her picking through a garbage can and tapped his shoulder. Without seeing his face, Selina handed him the wallet she was holding. "Hey, kid. Take it."

The kid took the wallet, and Ivy sneered, "Keep feeding strays and one's gonna follow you home."

"You mean like you?"

After they had both left, the kid in the alley turned around. He had long, black hair, a scar, and looked exactly like Bruce Wayne. Holding the wallet in his hands, he only had one thought in mind; "Oh my god, that girl was pretty."

 **(SHOT OF SKYLINE)**

In the bowels of Arkham Asylum, Oswald Cobblepot was sitting in the visiting room across from the uniformed Arkham inmate Edward Nygma. Ed was silent as Penguin put a wrapped box on the table. Ed unwrapped it to find a small black box.

"It's a puzzle." Penguin smiled. "The trick is opening it. The man I stole it from at the store said it's one of the most difficult ever made. A mathematician once went mad trying to-"

"I opened it." Ed said, putting the open box back on the table.

Penguin frowned, "Well okay then. Did you get the biscuits I sent?"

"Aaron Helzinger ate them." Ed said.

"And the sweater?"

"The guards were concerned that you'd knit a secret message into it, so they made me eat it."

"Oh. Well then how are-"

"This has been fun, but can we talk about how you're going to break me out of here now?"

Penguin frowned, "What do you mean?"

"YOU'RE A CRIME BOSS WITH A GANG OF GOONS AT YOUR FINGERTIPS AND MILLIONS OF DOLLARS AT YOUR DISPOSAL AND BREAKOUTS IN THIS PLACE HAPPEN EVERY OTHER TUESDAY, SO WHY AREN'T YOU BREAKING ME OUT RIGHT NOW?!"

"Well... I mean, you _did_ frame Jim Gordon."

"I AM GOING TO-"

 **(SHOT OF SKYLINE)**

It was time for a robbery. The gang of four included Selina Kyle, two Indian Hill monsters named Reverse-Batman and Captain Plot-Point, and their leader, Fish Mooney. Reverse-Batman had the ability to hide his wings whenever he wanted so that FOX could save money on special effects, and Captain Plot-Point had the ability to make important plot points happen with little to no explanation or reason because Bruno Heller was too lazy to make a good script.

The door to the pharmacy was closed, but since the plot needed a robbery to happen, Captain Plot-Point waved his hand and made a ladder appear connecting to a fire escape. Selina climbed up the ladder and opened up the door from the inside.

"You know why we're here." Fish said, as Reverse-Batman and Captain Plot-Point went up to the lone worker inside the facility.

"Wait a minute," the worker said, before Captain Plot-Point touched his hand. The worker screamed in agony, "Ah! I'm having a sudden heart attack because the plot needs me dead!" and he collapsed on the ground as a result of terrible writing.

Reverse-Batman started throwing drugs into his man-purse while Fish and Selina went into the back.

Fish started looking in all of the drawers for the drugs that she needed when a security guard yelled, "Don't move!" and held a gun to her. "Hands,"

"Of course," Fish grinned, holding out her hands to the officer. When the guard tried to put handcuffs on her though, she grabbed his arm and a yellow light pulsed from her fingers to his arm. The guard was now under her control.

"Drop the gun." Fish said, and the guard did exactly what she said. She smiled, "Now knock yourself out." The guard walked into a wall and fell to the ground unconscious.

"Hey, Fish?" Selina said. "That was cool and all, but was it really more efficient than just shooting him? You could have achieved the same result with a gun and it wouldn't be killing you."

"Shut up, my powers are awesome." Fish said, before nearly collapsing on the ground. She only just got up again when she heard a phone beep, and Jim Gordon was pointing a gun at her, inching closer and closer.

"Hands where I can see them." Jim growled.

"James Gordon," Fish grinned, standing up and holding her hands out.

"Why are you wearing a black leather jacket?" Selina asked.

"Because I'm edgy now!" Jim yelled, "Now get out of here!"

Selina shrugged and walked away, while Fish smirked, "So you're here to collect the bounty Penguin has over my head? What is it – a million dollars? And to think I let that punk live. I think you'd better cuff me."

"Cuff yourself." Jim growled, throwing a pair of handcuffs on the ground. "How many others do you have with you?"

"They're all with me." Fish said. "Every wretched soul that Hugo Strange experimented on. But tonight, just them."

Suddenly, Reverse-Batman swooped down and jumped on Jim, wrestling him into the shelves behind him while Fish walked away with the drugs. Jim and Reverse-Batman swiped at each other, both evenly matched until Jim grabbed Reverse-Batman's arm and threw him into a table. Reverse-Batman started to run to the roof, and Jim followed.

Then, Captain Plot-Point appeared. He waved his hand, and Jim tripped and fell for no reason other than the plot needed Reverse-Batman to get away. Reverse-Batman jumped off the roof, using his wings to fly down, and Jim wallowed in his failure on the ground.

 **(SHOT OF SKYLINE)**

"I'd like to thank the board for giving me this time." Bruce said. He was sitting at the head of the meeting table in Wayne Enterprises, Alfred standing behind him and the rest of the board of directors was sitting with him at the table. Bruce continued, "I know preliminary investigations have concluded Hugo Strange acted alone. I reject this conclusion on account of how the hell you expected me to believe that Hugo Strange built a secret lab, bought all of his supplies, hired a staff, and gained access to the city morgue on an Arkham salary."

"It was worth a shot." One employee shrugged.

Bruce continued, "While trapped in Indian Hill, I was led to believe an unnamed group had taken control of my company, and it was they who hired Hugo Strange. I left Gotham because my butler knocked me out with a frying pan and put me on a plane to Switzerland, but now that I'm back, I've discovered hard evidence of their existence."

"A conspiracy theory?" one employee chuckled. "That's why we're all here?"

"Pardon me, sir," Alfred said. "Might I have your name, please?"

"What?"

" _Your name,_ please, sir." Alfred said.

The employee sneered, "Crowley."

"Well then, Mr. Crowley," Alfred smiled. "You're fired."

Crowley gasped and yelled, "You can't fire me! Only Bruce Wayne can fire me!"

"You're fired." Bruce said. "Anyone else want to show attitude?"

Everyone shook their heads.

Bruce smiled, "I know how it sounds, but I now have proof that they exist. I can tell you that they're here in this room. I want to talk face-to-face. You have twenty-four hours to contact me or the information that I've gathered will be sent to every newspaper and television station in Gotham."

"So?" another board member asked. "Why would an angsty teen's illuminati theories be put in the papers?"

"You are also fired." Bruce said. "Come on, Alfred. I want pancakes."

 **MEANWHILE, IN A SECRET LOCATION...**

A woman in an owl mask was sitting at her desk and listening to the fired board member talk to her on the phone, telling her everything about what had happened. After she heard about what happened, she hung up the phone and turned to the Talon in the room with her.

"Bruce Wayne." She said. "Do it quietly."

"Of course, Mistress." The Talon said. "But why are you wearing that mask? It's just the two of us in here."

"I've been wearing this mask for so long that it's stuck on my face." The woman said. "I didn't bring you back from the dead to ask questions!"

 **SHOT OF SKYLINE**

 **Yeah... this was the scene where Tabitha and Barbara beat up those goons, but... I think Jack already got to that one by the looks of it.**

 **SHOT OF SKYLINE**

Bruce, dressed in a black jacket, had just climbed to the roof of an old building where a pigeon coop was sitting and being cared for by the street kids. He jumped down and found Selina feeding the birds with breadcrumbs.

"Hey," he said, but she looked angry.

"When'd you get back?" she sighed, not looking up from her birds.

"A couple days ago. I tried to find you before I left."

"And you didn't check this rooftop that I'm always on and was established as our meeting place several times?"

"I admit that I could have tried harder." Bruce said. "I needed time to research the secret group that had infiltrated my company. I couldn't find anything there. I only found proof of the Illuminati, living Nazis, and a race of crocodile men living at the center of the earth, but nothing on the secret society. I have a plan, but these people are powerful. We need to assume that they know you and I are friends."

"Only friends?" Selina asked. "Did you forget we kissed?"

Bruce sighed, "I'm sorry I was gone for so long."

"Don't apologize." Selina said. "Shoot – if I could fly to Italy and eat pizza all day, I would too."

"It was Switzerland."

"I give up." Selina said, throwing up her arms and turning to climb down the ladder down the building to meet back up with Fish Mooney, leaving Bruce on the rooftop.

They weren't alone though. Although Bruce didn't know, the fake-Bruce was watching from behind a chimney the entire time, and he only had one thought on his mind. _Who is this bitch who looks just like me and why is he trying to steal my girl?!_

 **SHOT OF SKYLINE**

Ms. Ethel Peabody was sitting in her apartment by herself reading a newspaper when Jim Gordon suddenly busted through the door looking rather out of breath.

"How did you find me?" Peabody asked.

"Shut up," Jim said. "A bunch of monsters just followed me here and I'm using you as bait to get to Fish Mooney."

Peabody gasped, "You can't do that!"

"Didn't you hear? I'm edgy now." Jim grinned. "How is your ass not in jail, by the way?"

"I agreed to testify against Professor Strange."

"So the Gotham Courts agreed to imprison a man responsible for unleashing a hoard of monsters onto the street, but let you – a woman with just as much knowledge as him and probably the same intentions – free because you testified against him?"

"I knew that creating Captain Plot-Point was going to pay off some day." Peabody smirked.

Suddenly, the door burst open, and Jim bolted up to point his gun at the door, but when he did, there was nobody there. It was just a gust of wind in the hall.

"Oh no!" Peabody gasped.

"What is it?" Jim asked. "A monster?"

"It's Dr. Jump-Scare. We gave him the power to perform one of the most annoying cinematic tricks ever realized in film. When you don't expect him to, he'll pop up and scare the – AH!" she yelled, just as Dr. Jump-Scare appeared next to Jim and smacked the gun out of his hand.

"Jim, watch out!" Peabody yelled. "It's... actually, she doesn't have a name. Professor Strange just made her with super strength to carry heavy boxes for him."

The woman wearing black leather and a mask on her face punched Jim in the stomach, sending him flying across the room while she and Dr. Jump-Scare kidnapped Peabody.

 **SHOT OF SKYLINE**

Penguin and Butch were standing in Sirens next to Barbara and Tabitha. There was a man holding an ice pack over his bloody nose sitting in front of them, and Barbara told Penguin about how he came to take over the club and then got the sh*t beaten out of him.

"Da cwub is on oww tewwitowrry!" the man tried to say, still crippled from Gotham's attempts to be feminist.

"What's a cwub?" Barbara giggled. "Seriously, can any of you understand him?"

Penguin stamped his foot, "That's enough. If you didn't know, I'm still busy with this whole Fish Mooney thing."

"I thought that we spread the word that you wanted her brought in dead or alive or chopped into pieces?" Tabitha said.

"Well yes, but..."

TWO HOURS AGO...

Penguin was groaning while sitting at the end of the table at his hideout while the citizens of Gotham were lined up ready to get their million dollars, all holding people that were not Fish Mooney.

Penguin growled to a man holding a tied up person, "That's not Fish – that's a guy."

Penguin hissed at a woman holding the corpse of another person, "That's not Fish – she's shorter than that."

Penguin groaned at a man holding a box of chopped-up body parts. "That's not even the same skin colour as Fish! You cut an asian guy into pieces and hoped I would think it's Fish?"

"Are you being racist?"

"GET OUT OF MY LAIR BEFORE-"

IN THE PRESENT...

"Can't you see what's happening?" Barbara sighed. "Butch sent this guy so that we'd come running to you and he could lord it over Tabby. Ain't that right?"

Butch scoffed, "That's crazy! She's crazy. She was in Arkham – hello?!"

"Hello – so was I! And like ninety percent of our staff! And our chef, so don't be surprised when you find a finger in your soup tomorrow! It's not hard to get locked in Arkham! Just... just kill this guy and let's go."

"Why kill him?" Barbara asked.

Penguin shrugged, "Why not?"

"Good point." Barbara said, while pulling out a banana.

"How are you going to kill him with a banana?" Butch asked.

"I'm a creative person."

 **SHOT OF SKYLINE**

"Come on," Ivy whined.

"I said no." Selina said, firmly. As she was pacing back and forth on a rooftop, Ivy was trying to convince her to let her join in on her business helping the monsters. Selina wasn't having any of that.

"You just don't want to share." Ivy growled.

Selina paused and looked at her friend. "These are scary people, alright? It's for your own good." With that, she jumped off the rooftop and landed safely on the ground to go meet up with Fish Mooney.

Ivy sighed angrily and went to go climb back down the fire escape when suddenly, she saw a boy who had Bruce Wayne's face.

"I want to talk to her." Fake-Bruce said, pointing to where Selina was. "She was kind to me. Then she met that boy, and..."

"What happened to you?" Ivy asked, looking at the long-haired Bruce.

"You know me?" Fake-Bruce asked.

 _Okay, so he's not Bruce,_ Ivy's internal monologue said. _But... he is kind of cute._

"Hey, kid." Ivy grinned. "Want me to show you what kids born on this side of the world do for fun?"

Fake-Bruce shrugged, "Sure. What do you have in mind?"

 **SHOT OF SKYLINE**

In a dark cellar in an abandoned part of Gotham city, Fish Mooney was standing with the rest of her monsters – Reverse-Batman, Captain Plot-Point, Dr. Jump-Scare, the super-strength chick that stole Tabitha Galavan's costume, and all of the other monsters. Selina was there too. Two monsters, named Zapcharge, who was a woman with frizzy hair who was dressed in rags, screamed a lot, and could electrocute people by touching them, and Blockbuster, who was bulletproof, were holding Ethel Peabody hostage. As the bulletproof man and the stereotype of what most Americans think homeless people are like let Peabody go, Fish stepped forward and stared Peabody in the face.

"I know why you brought me here." Peabody said. "Your body is beginning to reject the changes we made to your DNA. You feel it every time you use your ability."

"How do I stop it?" Fish asked.

"Stop using your ability." Peabody said. "Every time you use it, new cells are activated and your body rejects them. Stop, and you will recover."

"Hold on," said Zapcharge. "You created us knowing that our abilities would kill us? What was the point of making us then?"

"Well, Professor Strange never intended for you to escape." Peabody said. "You were supposed to charge his cell phone, Fish was supposed to get him out of a real estate deal, Dr. Jump-Scare is to get him pizza from Italy, etc. Plus, if you guys ever did escape, we could just sit inside and wait until you all died."

"Hey, that's a good point." Captain Plot-Point said. "If news got out that we were dying, people could just wait inside until we all died."

Fish scowled at him, "Your job is to create terrible plot holes, not point them out!" she turned back to Peabody and said, "Tell me how to reorder my DNA!"

"Only Strange can." Peabody said.

Fish grinned and looked back at her army. "Captain Plot-Point?"

Captain Plot-Point waved his hand, and suddenly, Peabody had a heart attack. "Ah! I'm having a sudden heart attack because the plot needs me dead!" and then she dropped dead.

Suddenly, all the monsters turned and activated their powers when they heard a rustling coming from inside a closet. They noticed a closed closet near the corner of the cellar and inched forward warily. Fish gave the cue, and Zapcharge used her electric powers to blast the door off the closet, revealing Ivy and Fake-Bruce making out.

"What?" Ivy asked. "He's cute."

Fake-Bruce turned around, panting and sweating. "Ivy was very nice to me."

"Captain Plot-Point?" Fish growled. "Deal with her."

Ivy gasped and turned to run away down the hall. Fish turned to her army of monsters and said, "Get her!"

The woman dressed in black leather jumped up and ran after Ivy, and Selina ran after both of them.

Dr. Jump-Scare raised his hand and said, "Would you like me to get her since I have super-speed?"

Fish shrugged, "Nah. I'm pretty sure she can keep up with a little girl."

Meanwhile, the woman in black was having an extremely difficult time keeping up with a little girl as Ivy was getting away – that is until she was cornered by a jump off a bridge into running water. She was cornered by the woman in black, and suddenly, Captain Plot-Point jumped out and grabbed her arm, just as she was tripping over and fell into the running water.

Selina gasped and ran over, but didn't see her in the water. Selina turned to Captain Plot-Point and yelled, "What did you do?"

"The worst thing I could. A fate even worse than death." Captain Plot-Point nodded. "The plot needed her to be magically aged up and objectified in skimpy outfits, so that's what I did to her."

"NOOOOOOOOOO!"

* * *

Jack put down the script he was holding in his hand and grinned at Bruno Heller and the rest of the cast and waited for a reaction. "Well, how was it?"

"That was awful!" Bruno yelled.

"It's not like your script was any better!" Jack yelled back. "I guess it's time to let the cast decide. Well guys? Whose script did you like better? Me or Bruno's?"

"Umm... Mr. J?" Harley asked, tapping the boy on the shoulder. Jack looked to the door and saw that someone on the other side was trying to break it down. Bruno had obviously called his security team!

Jack sighed and said, "Well, I'll be going away now. I'll be back soon, guys!" he then leapt out of the window with Harley, leaving a dumbfounded cast behind while Bruno screamed, "I'll get you next time!"


End file.
